Loneliness...
forgive me for this deep posting, but I feel the need to be "real"
I woke up this morning to the sounds of Todd Agnew's "Grace Like Rain" on the radio and the purring of my cat as he was trying to convince me to get out of bed and feed him. It didn't work. I ended up hitting the snooze, staying in bed, and petting my cat. I'm not sure why, but I felt extremely lonely. I mean I had just come back from a fantastic ski trip with friends (see pics below) and I had experienced a beautiful candlelit service full of prayer and the Lord's Supper the night before; not to mention visiting with good friends afterwards. As I lay there in bed, I kept wondering..."why do I feel so lonely? I mean, I'm surrounded by and love being around people!"
As I lay there petting my cat, I kept reminiscing on my recent ski trip and thinking of future weekend plans with friends and of friends that I haven't spoken with lately and needed to catch up with. For some reason, the void was still there, haunting, hovering over me. I began to pray to the Lord for comfort, His presence, even quoting scripture, but the nagging would not fully go away. I began to ask myself the following questions...
Did the Lord completely remove Himself from me?
Am I truly saved? Do I really have any friends at all?
How can I be lonely if my life is full of such great activities and experiences?
After a time of searching and crying out to the Lord, I eventually found comfort in a most interesting series of thoughts, thanks to the Lord.
I'm reading a book called Friend Raising, and in one of the chapters Mother Theresa was quoted as saying that the greatest suffering of all is that of loneliness. Imagine that! One of the greatest pillars in the Christian faith talking about her own dealings with loneliness. Let's go even further with that thought. Jesus, the Son of God and God himself, was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane and was filled with great anguish. He had his closest friends go with him to keep him company, watch and pray with Him, but He soon found them to be sleeping. Can you imagine how sad and lonely He must have felt in the darkest of night, knowing what was to come, crying out to His Heavenly Father with sweat filled with drops of blood, only to return and find them snoozing on the job?
One of my favorite musicians, Rich Mullins, talked about his own experiences with loneliness; how he could be with the ones he loved dearly in very intimate times and yet, he still felt lonely. This drove him to the conclusion, and I think I'm close to it, that loneliness is all part of the experience here as a follower of Jesus. I'm seeing how the Lord is allowing loneliness in my life as a means to reach out to Him and to others in healthy ways. I must admit that, in the past, I've run to the wrong things in order to fill the void of loneliness only to have that void eventually grow even larger and darker. It was like trying to fill a hole by digging it even deeper. But, I have seen that when I run to the Lord that He, in His own perfect timing, fills the void with the things that I truly need.
Is it a one time fix all remedy? No! This is a continuing processes as I deepen my relationship with Him and strengthen my dependence upon His power, grace and love. Does loneliness come back like morning breath and pillow head do each morning? Sure it does. Maybe not with as much frequency, but it does come back. Is it possible that this is my "thorn in the flesh," like Paul talks about in 2 Cor. 12:7-10? Quite possibly.
Reflecting back on Jesus' time of prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane...even Jesus, I'm sure of it then and at other times, experienced loneliness. This gives me great comfort knowing that if the God of the universe came down to live and dwell among us and experienced the same toil, sweat, love, joy, pain, passion, and loneliness like the rest of us do/will and did so with perfection all the way through the cross and into His glorious resurrection, then my experiencing loneliness is normal and endurable, and it means that I will be able to relate with Him in even deeper intimacy.
Philippians 3:10,11
This gives me great comfort as I look forward to eventually seeing Jesus Christ face to face.
1 Cor. 13:12
I woke up this morning to the sounds of Todd Agnew's "Grace Like Rain" on the radio and the purring of my cat as he was trying to convince me to get out of bed and feed him. It didn't work. I ended up hitting the snooze, staying in bed, and petting my cat. I'm not sure why, but I felt extremely lonely. I mean I had just come back from a fantastic ski trip with friends (see pics below) and I had experienced a beautiful candlelit service full of prayer and the Lord's Supper the night before; not to mention visiting with good friends afterwards. As I lay there in bed, I kept wondering..."why do I feel so lonely? I mean, I'm surrounded by and love being around people!"
As I lay there petting my cat, I kept reminiscing on my recent ski trip and thinking of future weekend plans with friends and of friends that I haven't spoken with lately and needed to catch up with. For some reason, the void was still there, haunting, hovering over me. I began to pray to the Lord for comfort, His presence, even quoting scripture, but the nagging would not fully go away. I began to ask myself the following questions...
Did the Lord completely remove Himself from me?
Am I truly saved? Do I really have any friends at all?
How can I be lonely if my life is full of such great activities and experiences?
After a time of searching and crying out to the Lord, I eventually found comfort in a most interesting series of thoughts, thanks to the Lord.
I'm reading a book called Friend Raising, and in one of the chapters Mother Theresa was quoted as saying that the greatest suffering of all is that of loneliness. Imagine that! One of the greatest pillars in the Christian faith talking about her own dealings with loneliness. Let's go even further with that thought. Jesus, the Son of God and God himself, was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane and was filled with great anguish. He had his closest friends go with him to keep him company, watch and pray with Him, but He soon found them to be sleeping. Can you imagine how sad and lonely He must have felt in the darkest of night, knowing what was to come, crying out to His Heavenly Father with sweat filled with drops of blood, only to return and find them snoozing on the job?
One of my favorite musicians, Rich Mullins, talked about his own experiences with loneliness; how he could be with the ones he loved dearly in very intimate times and yet, he still felt lonely. This drove him to the conclusion, and I think I'm close to it, that loneliness is all part of the experience here as a follower of Jesus. I'm seeing how the Lord is allowing loneliness in my life as a means to reach out to Him and to others in healthy ways. I must admit that, in the past, I've run to the wrong things in order to fill the void of loneliness only to have that void eventually grow even larger and darker. It was like trying to fill a hole by digging it even deeper. But, I have seen that when I run to the Lord that He, in His own perfect timing, fills the void with the things that I truly need.
Is it a one time fix all remedy? No! This is a continuing processes as I deepen my relationship with Him and strengthen my dependence upon His power, grace and love. Does loneliness come back like morning breath and pillow head do each morning? Sure it does. Maybe not with as much frequency, but it does come back. Is it possible that this is my "thorn in the flesh," like Paul talks about in 2 Cor. 12:7-10? Quite possibly.
Reflecting back on Jesus' time of prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane...even Jesus, I'm sure of it then and at other times, experienced loneliness. This gives me great comfort knowing that if the God of the universe came down to live and dwell among us and experienced the same toil, sweat, love, joy, pain, passion, and loneliness like the rest of us do/will and did so with perfection all the way through the cross and into His glorious resurrection, then my experiencing loneliness is normal and endurable, and it means that I will be able to relate with Him in even deeper intimacy.
Philippians 3:10,11
This gives me great comfort as I look forward to eventually seeing Jesus Christ face to face.
1 Cor. 13:12
posted by Chris at 9:16 AM
7 Comments:
Chris,
Good thoughts. I invite you to read my December blog entries.
http://lieseldiesel.blogspot.com/2005_12_01_lieseldiesel_archive.html
Suffice to say, we all encounter loneliness. To quote Rich, "And it was just a few years ago that I finally realized that friendship is not a remedy for loneliness. Loneliness is a part of our experience and if we are looking for relief from loneliness in friendship, we are only going to frustrate the friendship. Friendship, camaraderie, intimacy, all those things, and loneliness live together in the same experience."
Now, if we could just see loneliness apart from suffering...
All for now,
Lisa
Wow...thanks for sharing that! It was very encouraging and uplifting! I have been struggling with loneliness something terrible this week and especially today and I can't figure out why. Last night I went to eat dinner with my sister and my nieces and when I got home I was lonely again. It feels good to know that I'm not alone and I'm not the only one that goes through that. Thanks again for sharing =o)
Great post. Thx for being real.. I think we all wrestle with loneliness...maybe it's part of being here one earth and being satisfied in God yet desiring more and that our hearts won't fully be filled until we see Him? I just wish I'd finally get it that other people and things won't fill that place in my heart.
(I've had a little experience with loneliness over the last 6 months...)
Wow! I never get lonely. It's because I gave my heart to JC (John Calvin). ;)
Word. Thanks for sharing!! I totally relate.
Praise the Name of Jesus. Praise the Name of Jesus! He's my rock...in Him will I trust.
oops..."anonymous"=Sarah W.
here's a recent post from Christianity Today about loneliness.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/mind60621.html
All for now,
Lisa
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