Questions to ponder

As I'm in the middle of raising support for Keynote,
Crusade's music ministry, a friend of mine sent me
a weekly devotional and these two questions
made me stop and evaluate things.
Enjoy!


Am I so in love with Jesus that I take no thought
for where He might lead me?

Or...

Am I watching to see how much respect I get
as I measure how much service I should give Him?

Can you sit for a while?

A friend of mine sends me these devotionals and they
minister to me everyday. It's scary, but it shouldn't be,
that they are always applicable to my current situation.

Read and enjoy, and then be willing to spend some time
sitting still in the presence of the living God!!

****************************************************
Genesis 15:1-21 (emphasis on v. 12)

Whenever God gives a vision to a Christian,
it is as if He puts him in "the shadow of His hand"
( Isaiah 49:2 ). The saint’s duty is to be still and listen.
There is a "darkness" that comes from too much
light-that is the time to listen.

The story of Abram and Hagar in Genesis 16 is an excellent
example of listening to so-called good advice during a
time of darkness, rather than waiting for God to send the light.
When God gives you a vision and darkness follows, wait.
God will bring the vision He has given you to reality in
your life if you will wait on His timing.

Never try to help God fulfill His word. Abram went through
thirteen years of silence, but in those years all of his
self-sufficiency was destroyed. He grew past the point
of relying on his own common sense. Those years of silence
were a time of discipline, not a period of God’s displeasure.
There is never any need to pretend that your life is filled with
joy and confidence; just wait upon God and be grounded in Him.
(see Isaiah 50:10-11 ).

Do I trust at all in the flesh? Or have I learned to go beyond all
confidence in myself and other people of God?
Do I trust in books and prayers or other joys in my life?
Or have I placed my confidence in God Himself, NOT in His blessings?

"I am Almighty God . . ."— El-Shaddai, the All-Powerful God
(Genesis 17:1 ). The reason we are all being disciplined is that we
will know God is real. As soon as God becomes real to us, people
pale by comparison, becoming shadows of reality. Nothing that
other saints do or say can ever upset the one who is built on God.

I am Jacob...Wanna Wrestle?

I recently read a Charles Stanley devotional from
www.crosswalk.com and it spoke a mountain into my life.
You see, I was recenty accepted into Keynote,
Campus Crusade for Christ's music ministry.
I'm in the process of raising my support, and upon reaching 100%
I'll move to Indianapolis and begin my service.
I must confess that I've been wrestling with the thought of going.

There are times when I don't want to leave Houston, First Baptist,
and all that has been familiar and comfortable to me the past 12 years.
I've also been asking myself the following questions...
"Did God really call me here or did I selfishly manufacture this process?"
Anyway, this devotional came to my inbox today, and it spoke volumes to me.
It's always amazing how God's timing is never late, but always perfect.



******************************************************************
In a fish’s belly, Jonah recommitted himself to the Lord’s purpose. But the popular Bible story about the consequences of disobedience doesn’t end with Jonah obeying God. The book actually concludes with him acknowledging why he didn’t want the job — and with the Lord chastising him for his selfish reasons. You see, Jonah was afraid that the Ninevites, who were a threat to the Jewish people, might actually repent, and then his merciful God would not destroy them. The reluctant prophet admitted he wanted to see them wiped out: “Therefore in order to forestall [their salvation] I fled to Tarshish” (Jonah 4:2). When the Lord relented, Jonah’s trip became a success to everyone but him.


Believers resist doing God’s will for many reasons — fear, feelings of inadequacy, etc. Sometimes, although we don’t like to confess this, we say no because we dislike the probable outcome of obedience. As Jonah did, we also can lose sight of spiritually important things and focus on our own desires and comfort.

Our unhappiness with what we think might happen is not a reason to resist God’s plan. If the Lord calls us to act, He will take care of the end results. Our job is to obey.

What form of selfishness is keeping you from obeying the Lord? Maybe you are too angry with your spouse to work on your marriage or too hurt to welcome back a repentant child. But we are not to be ruled by our feelings, no matter how strong they are. Obedience is required of you. The final results may surprise you, particularly how blessed you will be for having followed God.

NST in Orlando

Well, it's been 4 weeks, and my time is almost finished here in Orlando.
New Staff Training has been a blast, and there is so much to talk about that I don't have time to write. BUT I'm posting some pics for y'all to take a look at and enjoy!
See y'all real soon! : )

Thought for the Day

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,

but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.

I Corinthians 13:4-8


For this very reason,
make every effort to add to your faith goodness;
and to goodness, knowledge;
and to knowledge, self-control;
and to self-control, perseverence;
and to perseverence, godliness;
and to godliness, brotherly kindness;
and to brotherly kindness, love.

For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure,
they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive
in your knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.

II Peter 1:5-8


What or whom are you loving today?

Hands up!

What does it mean to surrender?
What does it mean to fully let go and give up?

As a child I had a jungle gym set in the back yard,
complete with swing and monkey bars. It was awesome!
I used to hang on the monkey bars
as long as I could until my fingers hurt
and my grip gave out. I would drop to the ground
with my hand in a constant gripping pose.
Forarms and fingers were fixed and burning from the lengthy strain.
I couldn't hold on forever, but I sure tried.

Did you ever see the movie Saving Private Ryan?
Remember the scene where Tom Hank's group has to take
out the German gunner. It's their first opposition on the
trek to find Private Ryan and take him off the battle field.
Remember what happens when they surround the gunner?
He realizes that it's useless to fight back. With 5 guns pointed
at him, he drops his weapon and begins to plead for his life.
He surrendered. He stopped fighting.

This thought has been running through my mind recently...
What am I holding onto so tightly that the fingers of my soul
begin to ache and burn?
Why do I wrestle with the Lord?
What of Him do I not trust?

Jesus said to come to Him all who were heavy laden and burdened,
and that He would give them rest. Matthew 11:28-30

What are they burdened with? Could it be that they are burdened with
their own fears and worries and selfish desires?

Try this...go hang from a bar for about 2-3 minutes, heck, 1 minute,
and you'll begin to feel the strain and burning as your grip slowly slips
over the bar. Fight with it...try to hold on...reposition your grip...
Try with all your might, but you will eventually lose your grip and fall.
You can't hold on forever in the physical realm, so why do it in the spiritual?

What is is that you might be wrestling with?
What are you worried about?
What fears are crowding your thoughts and killing your joy?
Do you feel that you are not good enough,
and that you keep making mistake after mistake?
Do you feel like the only light at the end of the tunnel
is a train headed straight for you?
Is there something that you just can't seem to hand over to the Lord?
Are you doubting that He has your best interest?
Do you believe that He can and will fulfill the desires of your heart?
Psalm 37:4

I say let go and surrender. Quit fighting...
drop your weapon and raise your hands!!
Let the Lord work for you instead of you working against Him.
Yeah, it takes time to walk through this process.
It's a renewing of your heart and mind,
and the rewards are so wonderful and freeing!!

He delivered us from the power of darkness and
transferred us to the kingdom of the Son he loves,
in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Col. 1:13,14

Meanwhile, back in the real world...

Hey y'all,
I've been very busy with work and life.
But don't you worry, more thoughts are on the way.
I haven't forgotten about this little blog'o mine,
I'm gonna let it shine. =P

As they used to say on the Tonight Show, back in the day...
**More to Come**

Until then...

Isaiah 43:18,19

Thought for the day...

What you do reveals what you believe of God!

And without faith it is impossible to please God,
because anyone who comes to Him must believe
that He exists and rewards those who earnestly seek Him.
Hebrews 11:6

Who's behind the mask?

Yet another deep post from the far corners of my mind....

I'm the type of person who loves to have fun and joke around. I love being silly and cracking jokes, but over the past month I've been challenged by a couple of friends on several occassions to "be real" with them. This stopped me cold in my tracks. I thought I was being real wtih them, but what they were revealing to me is that I had been wearing a mask. Oh sure, the fun loving side of me "really" is me, but what they were asking was for me to fully remove the mask, take off the stage makeup, step out of the costume, and honestly uncover my heart.
I was speechless, thank you Steven Curtis Chapman. Seriously, I didn't know what to do. Should I trust them? I mean they're my friends, right? I should be able to trust them. Well, after a brief sprint through my mind, I touched on a few questions which has led me down a certain train of thought. Had I ever made a fool of myself in front of them that they didn't ridicule me and make me feel like one? I had, but they never made me feel that way. Have they treated me with respect and dignity, encouraging me in all my endeavors? Yes! So, why was I so worried about being vulnerable, transparent, or "real" as they like to put it, about who I really am?

I've pondered on that ever since, and here is what I've discovered.
We all have masks that we hide behind. We're all afraid to take them off, toss them into the trash, and boldly reveal who we really are to the world around us. However, we're all dying inside, wanting to take them off and be accepted as we really are despite all of our flaws, scars, fears, and failures.
"I want to be known and accepted for who I really am, but I'm so afraid to do so...yet it's painful and lonely not being known and loved for who I am, but it's also painful the thought of exposing myself for fear of being rejected. But, I want to be known and... "
Interesting cycle of thought huh?

Bottom line, we all want to be loved "as is."
We want to be accepted regardless of our mistakes. Most of us realize this in our minds, yet we still struggle to let down our guard and just be ourselves. I'll admit that I can be the court jester at times...okay, quite often, but it's easier that way. Right? It's safer that way! Right? Ultimately, it's not. I will never be able to deeply pour into other's lives or be deeply poured into as long as I hold onto my mask and they hold onto theirs. I will never grow closer to my friends, and they will never be able to do the same as long as we hide behind the mask.

A friend of mine challenged me to face my fears, hand them over to the Lord Jesus, and remove the mask. She said that by taking the mask off I will possibly face ridicule and rejection, but if I keep it on I will definitely miss out on a great blessing.
This challenge caused me to consider yet another relationship, my relationship with Jesus.
How real have I been with Him? He has not hidden His face from me.
Psalm 27:4-9

Why do I hide it from Him? I mean, He knows and accepts me as I am, despite me trying to "look good" in front of Him. How can He not? He made me, and knows all that has taken place in my life and still loves me "as is."
Psalm 139:13-16

Knowing, accepting, and believing in this has given me the cofidence to take bold steps forward in my relationships.

I eventually let my guard down, took off my mask, and allowed my face to be seen.
Was it scary and difficult?
Strangely enough, the hardest part was simply getting started, but once I did,
I felt more and more comfortable to "be real."
Oh, I'm not fully "healed" from this disease of humanity, but I know that I am becoming less and less in need of my social pacifier, my mask. I'm learning to trust the Lord that no matter what happens, I am still loved by Him; scars, flaws, talents, victories, and failures. He loves the whole being of who I am, especially without my mask.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us,
in that while we were still yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8

Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7


So, reader...my question to you is..."What mask are you hiding behind?"


Lay it down

Lay it down
I've come to lay it down
Lay it down
I've come to lay it down

My convictions
My emotions
My pursuit of lustfulness
My depression
My addictions
I cast them down

-Among Thorns


Peace (Agnus Dei)

Though we're strangers, still I love you
I love you more than your mask
and I know you have to trust this to be true
and I know that's much to ask
But lay down your fears, come and join this feast
He has called us here, you and me

Chorus:
So may peace rain down from Heaven
like little pieces from the sky
little keepers of the promise falling on these souls
the drought has dried
In His Blood and in His Body
In this Bread and in this Wine
Peace to you, Peace of Christ to you

and though I love you, still we're strangers
prisoners in these lonely hearts
and though our blindness separates us
still His Light shines in the dark
and His outstretched arms
are still enough to reach
behind these prison bars to set us free

-Rich Mullins

Loneliness...

forgive me for this deep posting, but I feel the need to be "real"

I woke up this morning to the sounds of Todd Agnew's "Grace Like Rain" on the radio and the purring of my cat as he was trying to convince me to get out of bed and feed him. It didn't work. I ended up hitting the snooze, staying in bed, and petting my cat. I'm not sure why, but I felt extremely lonely. I mean I had just come back from a fantastic ski trip with friends (see pics below) and I had experienced a beautiful candlelit service full of prayer and the Lord's Supper the night before; not to mention visiting with good friends afterwards. As I lay there in bed, I kept wondering..."why do I feel so lonely? I mean, I'm surrounded by and love being around people!"

As I lay there petting my cat, I kept reminiscing on my recent ski trip and thinking of future weekend plans with friends and of friends that I haven't spoken with lately and needed to catch up with. For some reason, the void was still there, haunting, hovering over me. I began to pray to the Lord for comfort, His presence, even quoting scripture, but the nagging would not fully go away. I began to ask myself the following questions...

Did the Lord completely remove Himself from me?
Am I truly saved? Do I really have any friends at all?
How can I be lonely if my life is full of such great activities and experiences?

After a time of searching and crying out to the Lord, I eventually found comfort in a most interesting series of thoughts, thanks to the Lord.
I'm reading a book called Friend Raising, and in one of the chapters Mother Theresa was quoted as saying that the greatest suffering of all is that of loneliness. Imagine that! One of the greatest pillars in the Christian faith talking about her own dealings with loneliness. Let's go even further with that thought. Jesus, the Son of God and God himself, was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane and was filled with great anguish. He had his closest friends go with him to keep him company, watch and pray with Him, but He soon found them to be sleeping. Can you imagine how sad and lonely He must have felt in the darkest of night, knowing what was to come, crying out to His Heavenly Father with sweat filled with drops of blood, only to return and find them snoozing on the job?

One of my favorite musicians, Rich Mullins, talked about his own experiences with loneliness; how he could be with the ones he loved dearly in very intimate times and yet, he still felt lonely. This drove him to the conclusion, and I think I'm close to it, that loneliness is all part of the experience here as a follower of Jesus. I'm seeing how the Lord is allowing loneliness in my life as a means to reach out to Him and to others in healthy ways. I must admit that, in the past, I've run to the wrong things in order to fill the void of loneliness only to have that void eventually grow even larger and darker. It was like trying to fill a hole by digging it even deeper. But, I have seen that when I run to the Lord that He, in His own perfect timing, fills the void with the things that I truly need.
Is it a one time fix all remedy? No! This is a continuing processes as I deepen my relationship with Him and strengthen my dependence upon His power, grace and love. Does loneliness come back like morning breath and pillow head do each morning? Sure it does. Maybe not with as much frequency, but it does come back. Is it possible that this is my "thorn in the flesh," like Paul talks about in 2 Cor. 12:7-10? Quite possibly.

Reflecting back on Jesus' time of prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane...even Jesus, I'm sure of it then and at other times, experienced loneliness. This gives me great comfort knowing that if the God of the universe came down to live and dwell among us and experienced the same toil, sweat, love, joy, pain, passion, and loneliness like the rest of us do/will and did so with perfection all the way through the cross and into His glorious resurrection, then my experiencing loneliness is normal and endurable, and it means that I will be able to relate with Him in even deeper intimacy.
Philippians 3:10,11

This gives me great comfort as I look forward to eventually seeing Jesus Christ face to face.
1 Cor. 13:12

All a Board!!!

I know, the season is almost over, but I was able to snag a great deal on a trip to Lake Louise, CA. I love going to the mountains! I love to see how they rise up out of the earth and tower over everything. From a plane they don't seem so large, but go to the base of one and start to ascend it. You'll find out just how tiny you are. Still, I'm reminded of how significant I am in the sight of God. He is an even greater being than my mind can even fathom, and yet He still desires to be close to me. I mean, with a thought He could easily crush the mountains to dust, but He witholds such power choosing to speak softly, intimately to our hearts; wooing us to be with Him.
I can't wait to go snowboarding and get up on top of the mountains! I can't wait to see the power of God through His creation from the mountain top!

Let the glory of the Lord endure forever;
Let the Lord be glad in His works;
He looks at the earth, and it trembles;
He touches the mountains, and they smoke.
I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;
I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.
Psalm 104: 31-33

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.
Psalm 139:17,18

"The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17

Japanese Casserole

I ate sushi tonight with my friend Lee. It was sushi happy hour from 5-7PM and we loaded up! Funny, we, actually Lee, only ordered one roll; a caterpillar, and it looks exactly like one too. Now, I'm a big fan of sushi, but the rolls I'm not that fond of. It's interesting because I was talking with some friends about sushi the other day, rolls to be exact, and we came to this conclusion...
rolls to the Japanese are like casserole to Americans. Think about it. A roll is a mix of various ingredients much like a casserole, except in a much smaller bite sized package. Anyway, I'll pass on the rolls...give me some Ubi, Tuna, and Edimame!!!!

I can't sleep

I woke up this morning (2:30am) to the singing of a loud
mockingbird just outside my window. This is the second time in as many days that this has happened. It's a bit funny because I just saw the movie Failure to Launch. Well, there is a woman in the movie who wants to kill the mockingbird outside her window, because it won't shut up.

Anyway, since I couldn't sleep, I decided to open up my Bible and read, and then to put a post on here.



So...what do you do when you can't sleep?

I'm just getting started, so please bear with me...